Monday, February 20, 2012

Benedict Arnold

I think the hubby as defected to the other side. The "other side" being the boys. Although I have explained to him over and over that the first rule in combat is to divide and conquer and that the boys have been trying to do just that for years, I think they got to him. I have also consistently reiterated to him to not be fooled by their cute little smiles or the sweet and funny things that they say, because they understand that there is strength in numbers and they have been on a mission for several years now to turn us against each other and take over this house. Billy, himself, has already told me twice this week, that when "he is big and I am small, he is going to make all da wules" and he is going to make me go to school all by myself,  like I make him. Apparently all my strategy talk and warnings have fallen on deaf ears, because after this weekend I am quite sure that Steve has left my team and joined forces with Spiro and Billy. He says that "I am being ridiculous" but he says that a lot, so the novelty of it has kind of worn off. Whatever, traitor.

It all started this Saturday, while I was preparing our house for an open house to take place on Sunday. I woke up at 5:30 that morning, unable to go back to sleep. Now I can't be positive, but I am pretty sure that when I got out of bed to go downstairs, I may have interrupted the boys daily meeting discussing their strategies for taking me down that day. However, when I peaked into their rooms they appeared to be sleeping but their breathing definitely didn't seem regulated like that of a person "really" sleeping. Of course, I didn't mention any of this to the hubby because I knew he would just say that "I was being ridiculous".

I spent the entire day cleaning the house, doing laundry... along with my routine responsibilities of wiping butts, opening fruit snacks, pouring 47 drinks, making snacks and meals, breaking up 104 fights... The hubby woke up in the afternoon after a long night at the restaurant and proceeded to drink his coffee. I guess he could see that I was a little frazzled by the days activities because he said to me "Please don't get all weird and grumpy like you do when you are getting ready to have people over our house". Okay, so I will admit that I have a slight problem (or what I like to refer to as an attention to detail) when it comes to my expectations for having company. I love having people over, but I may go overboard when it comes to cleaning before our friends or family arrive. With that being said, he is well aware that this is standard protocol for me and to make that type of statement while I was clearly exhibiting signs of irrational behavior, is simply a suicide mission if I have ever encountered one. I think my body may have actually levitated off the ground and flew around the room a few times before I explained all the "weird things" I had been doing all day, like folding laundry and putting it away, in between dusting and mopping floors, in between feeding our children, in between scrubbing toilets, in between vacuuming... You get the idea. As far as being grumpy, I explained to my hubby that it is extremely difficult to be jolly and wear a smile while you are cleaning bathrooms and the kids are throwing down in the hallway outside. Of course, he just said that "I was being ridiculous" and told the kids "Lets get out of dodge" and retreated to the basement. That's when I realized that they were all in cahoots with one another.

Now the fact that he sold out and went to the other side is one thing, but what really has me concerned is that I was unable to extract from him how he obtained his invisibility powers before he defected. You see, I began noticing a while ago that when we would be sitting on the sofa or in a room together and the kids needed something, they would never ask Daddy. It was always, "Mommy, Billy's hitting me" or "Mommy, I'm hungry. Can you get me a snack?". So I asked him one day,
"How do you do that?"
"Do what?" he asked
"You know, make yourself invisible"
"Oh, Shannon, you are being ridiculous" (you can see now, how the novelty of it wears off after a while)
"Am I? Am I really? I think I am being the exact opposite. I think I am onto you and you have no other way to try and throw me off, except to say that I am being ridiculous"
"I think you need medication"
"I bet you would love nothing more than to have me doped up and my head all fuzzy, so I would mentally be unable to figure out your little secret."

I just know that Spiro and Billy will be able to get this pivotal piece of information out of him and the last thing I need right now is the two of them having that type of insider information, especially, when they currently have numbers on their side. Don't worry though, this Mommy is not going down without a fight and I still have a few tricks up my sleeve.

No comments:

Post a Comment