Before reading this post please be respectful of my opinions. I am not attempting to be blasphemous in any way, shape, or form. These are the honest thoughts that float around in my head, I will never engage in any argument concerning religion because I ultimately believe that everyone has the entitlement to believe and feel what is in their heart. If you would like to comment or send me a message, the only thing I ask is that you are kind when doing so.
My parents did not raise my brother and me attending church every Sunday, or having long and meaningful discussions about religion. We pretty much attended church on an as needed basis, that being weddings and funerals. I know they did and still do have many unanswered questions about God and I don't think they felt comfortable forcing something on us that they had so many conflicted feelings about. My parents have never forced their opinions on us, we have always been allowed the opportunity to develop our own beliefs and thoughts. It is why I am the lone liberal in a family that is swimming with conservatives.
I have always struggled with the rules and constraints that are taught most often with religion. It is, by far, the one thing that has shaken my faith the most. I don't have the ability to see things in such black and white terms because my life consists of so many different shades of gray. I always thought that religion was just something I didn't need in my life and that I had done pretty well without it, but as my boys get older and ask more questions about life and our purpose, I find myself not only seeking the answers for their questions but for my own unanswered questions as well.
I believe in God and I honestly do think he has a sense of humor, especially when it comes to me. I know he is super busy with all the miracles he performs
on a daily basis but I think he must have a sense of humor because 9
times out of 10 that is the only way that things can get through this
head of mine, is through laughter, and I think his messages are delivered to each of us in the most effective way that he finds suitable.
I realized that my belief in God did not have to correlate with anyone else. That it didn't always have to fit nicely in the same box that it may fit in for another person because it is allowed to be personal and private if that is the way I prefer it. Sometimes I keep my relationship with God like Vegas, and what happens with God, stays with God. We have a lot of discussions that never leave my head, okay well, mostly I am the one talking and he just listens but I think that's just the way he rolls. He has always struck me as more of the "strong and silent" type, which happens to work out really well when I get into one of my rambling sessions.
I can find the humor in the fact that I am compulsively clean and have a strong aversion to clutter but have been given two boys, one of whom can destroy a room in 10 seconds flat and the other whom is what I like to refer to as an "organized hoarder". This is the one area of life that is black and white for me. We are either organized and in order or I feel like we are one episode away from Hoarders. I can see the humor and irony but I can also see the lesson being taught to me to take it easy, let things go and visit "the gray area" of having control once in a while.
I can find the humor when the priest at my husband's Greek Orthodox Church asks me why we haven't been to mass in a few weeks and I'm all "I am catholic", trying to give the impression that I have been too busy because I have been out hitting mass at every Catholic Church within a 60 mile radius wearing my "Jesus is my Homeboy" T-shirt, even though I haven't attended a Catholic Church mass in probably 10 years and I don't even own one of those shirts. (For the record, I would never lie to a priest, although I don't know many of the "rules", I am assuming that this would be "frowned upon" and that my punishment would involve me reciting one of those prayers that my parents never taught us) I laugh at myself because I know how ridiculous my answer is and the laughter is what gets in my head and allows me to process the real lesson. He wasn't asking for my alibi, he was asking me to join him in celebrating our common belief. Point taken, God.
I am very up front and honest about my lack of knowledge when it comes to religion. I will never pretend that I have all the answers with anyone, especially my children. I will never be arrogant enough to say that my beliefs concerning life and religion are the only possible way. I will always be open enough to explain why I feel the way I do, or how I came to my conclusions but I will also be humble enough to understand that I can be wrong. My children's ability to be free thinkers is one of my most important goals for them in life. To explore things, question, and ultimately devise their own opinions on life. Although it wasn't always beneficial for my brother and I, the fact that my parents allowed me to discover my belief in God on my own terms has made it all the more authentic and maybe, just maybe, that was his plan all along.